The Weezer
Chapter 3 — Breakfast Bagels: The Matinal Canon
Born as a joke for sleep-deprived East Village students, this violently delicious collision of cultures is a masterclass in fat layering. It takes the unapologetic chew of a proper malt-boiled bagel and piles on classic American bacon, spicy Mexican chorizo, sharp English cheddar, and the distinctly New York addition of scallion schmear on a hot egg sandwich. The cold cream cheese melts against the rendering pork fat to create a rich, spiced sauce that soaks straight into the crumb. Bite into this and say yes: this is exactly what you would have paid sixteen dollars for on Avenue A, and it is worth every single penny.
Ingredients
- homemade everything bagel1 large
- scallion cream cheese1 1/2 oz
- fresh Mexican chorizo2 oz
- thick-cut applewood smoked bacon3 slices
- eggs2 large
- sharp cheddar cheese1 thick slice
Method
- 01
Render the bacon and chorizo on a hot griddle until crisp.
Heat a large cast-iron skillet or griddle over medium heat. Lay down the bacon and form the loose chorizo into a rough, flat patty alongside it. Cook the chorizo until the edges are dark and crispy, and fry the bacon until shatteringly crisp. Move both to a paper towel, leaving a sheen of spiced fat on the griddle.
- 02
Apply a thick layer of scallion cream cheese to the bottom half of the bagel.
With a flick of the wrist, lay the scallion cream cheese down thick enough that it will push back against the hot meat. You are aiming for a strict one-to-three schmear-to-protein ratio.
- 03
Scramble the eggs in the residual meat fat and fold them into a tight envelope.
Crack the eggs directly into the hot chorizo and bacon fat. Quickly break the yolks and scramble them roughly into a flat, circular omelet. Before they fully set, fold the edges inward to create a neat square that roughly matches the diameter of the bagel.
- 04
Stack the hot chorizo and cheddar onto the folded eggs to melt.
Lay the chorizo patty onto the eggs, followed immediately by the slice of sharp cheddar. If the cheese isn't melting fast enough, splash a few drops of water onto the griddle and cover with a basting dome for ten seconds.
- 05
Transfer the hot egg and meat stack onto the cold schmear.
Move quickly. Place the hot egg, chorizo, and melted cheddar stack directly onto the scallion schmear so the heat begins to soften the cream cheese. Lay the crispy bacon over the cheddar, breaking strips if necessary for even coverage, and close the sandwich with the top bagel half.
- 06
Wrap the sandwich tightly in foil and let it rest for exactly sixty seconds.
Do not skip this step. This brief steaming period softens the crust just enough to prevent the ingredients from exploding when you bite, melding the fat of the chorizo into the scallion cream cheese. Slice cleanly down the middle with a serrated knife and serve immediately.
Notes
To scoop or not to scoop?
To 'scoop' a bagel means tearing out the soft, doughy interior of the halves before applying the schmear. Purists call it a crime against bread; pragmatists argue it creates a structural trench that holds massive amounts of cream cheese and prevents eggs from shooting out the sides. For a sandwich this violently overstuffed, scooping the top half is a technically sound maneuver.