The Vintage Olive & Pimento Schmear
Chapter 2 — Cream Cheeses & Schmears: The Emulsified Foundation
You can keep your neon-orange southern pimento cheese; this is the genuine article from the bustling appetizing counters of early twentieth-century New York. It is a study in contrasts: a snowy white, high-fat emulsion studded with sharp, emerald Manzanilla olives and sweet red pimentos. Achieving that frosting-like loft requires beating the hell out of a cream cheese block in a stand mixer, and keeping the olive brine from turning the whole affair a muddy gray demands stepping away from the food processor to chop by hand. It is an old-school survivor of the Jewish-American dairy canon—bright, briny, and built to cut through the dense chew of a malt-boiled bagel.
Before you start
Bring the cream cheese to room temperature.
The cream cheese must sit on the counter for at least 30 to 45 minutes prior to mixing; whipping cold cream cheese results in an icy, lumpy texture that simply refuses to aerate.
Restore spreadability before serving.
Allow the chilled, matured schmear to sit at room temperature for 15 minutes before applying it to your bagel to restore the optimal frosting-like consistency.
Ingredients
- full-fat cream cheese16 oz
- sour cream3 tbsp
- heavy cream1 tbsp
- Manzanilla olives stuffed with pimentos1 cup
- olive brine1 tbsp
- garlic powder1/4 tsp
- black pepper1/4 tsp
Method
- 01
Aerate the cream cheese base.
Place the softened cream cheese in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment and whip on medium-high speed for 3 minutes, stopping occasionally to scrape down the sides of the bowl.
- 02
Hydrate and emulsify the matrix.
Add the sour cream, heavy cream, garlic powder, and black pepper, then whip on high for an additional 2 minutes until the mixture resembles fluffy buttercream frosting.
- 03
Fold in the olives by hand.
Remove the bowl from the mixer and, using a stiff rubber spatula, gently fold in the chopped olives and brine until evenly distributed, taking absolute care not to crush the olives and bleed their color into the pristine white base.
- 04
Mature the schmear overnight.
Transfer the mixture to an airtight deli container and refrigerate it overnight to allow the ambient brine and garlic to permeate the lipid structure and deepen the flavor profile.
Notes
Scoop the bagel to maximize the payload.
Halve the bagel longitudinally and use your fingers to excavate the doughy crumb from both halves, creating a trench that holds an immense volume of schmear securely in place without slipping.
Execute the bagel-knife twist.
Plunge a wide butter knife into the deli container and apply a generous half-inch layer of schmear to the bottom half of the bagel, twisting your wrist at the end of the stroke to leave a highly textured, swooping peak.
Manage the moisture of your vegetables.
Place sliced beefsteak tomatoes on paper towels and lightly salt them five minutes prior to assembly to draw out excess water, concentrating their flavor and protecting the bagel's crust from sogginess.
Bias-cut and ribbon the lox.
Never pile cold-smoked salmon in a flat, dense slab. Slice it thinly on the bias and gently ribbon the slices over the salted tomatoes and red onions to introduce air and create a lighter, luxurious mouthfeel.