The Hot Jalapeño & Blistered Scallion Schmear
Chapter 2 — Cream Cheeses & Schmears
It's 9:30 AM on a Saturday, and you're standing on the sidewalk tearing into a warm, malt-tinged Everything bagel. You hit a layer of cream cheese so thick and aerated it feels like a dairy cloud, punctuated by the smoky, sweet char of roasted scallions and the sharp, unforgiving sting of jalapeño. For years, home cooks have tried to recreate this using tub cream cheese and raw vegetables, only to end up with a weeping, runny mess. The secret, guarded by deli men from Brooklyn to Berkeley, is the stand mixer and a splash of cold seltzer. The carbonation forces air into standard brick cream cheese, allowing it to hold onto the charred vegetables without losing its architectural integrity.
Before you start
Preheat the broiler to high.
Position the top rack about 5 inches from the heat source.
Ingredients
- full-fat brick cream cheese16 oz
- unflavored seltzer water2 tbsp
- fresh scallions1 large bunch
- fresh jalapeños3 med
- olive oil1 tbsp
- kosher salt1/2 tsp
- garlic powder1/4 tsp
- onion powder1/4 tsp
- fresh lemon juice1/2 tsp
Method
- 01
Toss the scallions and two of the jalapeños with olive oil and a pinch of salt.
Reserve the third jalapeño to use raw.
- 02
Char the oiled vegetables under the broiler.
Cook, turning occasionally, until wilted, deeply blistered, and blackened in spots. This takes 4 to 6 minutes for the scallions and 10 to 12 minutes for the jalapeños. Do not fear the black char; this is where the smoky flavor resides.
- 03
Cool and finely mince the charred vegetables.
Allow them to cool completely so they do not melt the cream cheese. Finely mince the scallions. Slice the stem off the roasted jalapeños, discard the seeds and pith for a medium heat, and finely dice.
- 04
Brunoise the remaining raw jalapeño.
Remove the seeds and micro-dice it to provide a fresh, grassy crunch that contrasts with the smoky peppers.
- 05
Beat the cream cheese in a stand mixer.
Place the cubed cheese in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Beat on medium speed for 1 minute until it breaks down into a smooth, thick paste.
- 06
Aerate the schmear with seltzer water.
With the mixer running on medium-high, slowly drizzle in the cold seltzer. Whip vigorously for 2 to 3 minutes until the carbon dioxide bubbles transform the dense brick into a light, fluffy spread. Add a third tablespoon of seltzer if it feels too stiff.
- 07
Fortify with seasonings.
Add the kosher salt, garlic powder, onion powder, and lemon juice. Beat on low for 10 seconds just to incorporate.
- 08
Fold in the vegetables by hand.
Remove the bowl from the mixer and use a silicone spatula to manually fold in all the jalapeños and scallions. Do not use the paddle attachment for this, or the vegetables will turn the pristine white cheese an unappetizing muddy green.
- 09
Refrigerate to marry the flavors.
Transfer to a deli-style airtight container and chill for at least 2 to 4 hours, preferably overnight, before serving on a bagel.
Notes
Sourcing the cheese.
Do not attempt this with tub or whipped cream cheese. You must use full-fat, brick-style cream cheese for the structure to hold.
Storage.
The schmear will keep in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 7 days.