The Behemoth 'Everything' & The Hangry Egg Build
בייגל·(beygl)
Chapter 1 — Making the Bagels
Sunday morning at nine, when the kitchen lights are entirely too bright, you need a bagel caked in toasted garlic and poppy seeds, baked from the master dough—a punishingly stiff, 57-percent hydration beast heavily fortified with diastatic malt and retarded overnight to develop a blistered, mahogany crust. Fry thick-cut bacon in a hot cast-iron skillet, lay down a heavy schmear, and slide two fried eggs leaking golden yolk on top—this is exactly what I would have paid sixteen dollars for on Orchard Street. Wrap it tight in a square of aluminum foil, then eat standing over the sink.
Before you start
Manage your temperatures and measurements.
Authentic bread baking demands a kitchen scale. Measure all ingredients by mass, and ensure your water is a cool 70°F to prevent the yeast from over-activating during the kneading phase.
Assemble the everything blend.
Combine the dried garlic, dried onion, sesame seeds, poppy seeds, and pretzel salt in a wide, shallow bowl before you begin the boil.
Ingredients
- high-gluten flour538 g
- water307 g
- kosher salt11 g
- instant dry yeast5 1/2 g
- diastatic malt powder13 1/2 g
- sugar5 1/2 g
- water1 1/2 gal
- barley malt syrup3 tbsp
- baking soda1 tbsp
- dried minced garlic1 tbsp
- dried minced onion1 tbsp
- white sesame seeds1 tbsp
- black sesame seeds1 tbsp
- poppy seeds1 tbsp
- coarse pretzel salt1 tbsp
- large eggs2 large
- applewood smoked bacon3 oz
- American cheese1 1/2 oz
- hashbrown patty1 med
- jalapeño-scallion cream cheese1 1/2 oz
- vinegar-based hot sauce1 tbsp
Method
- 01
Mix the master dough.
Combine the high-gluten flour, cool water, yeast, diastatic malt, sugar, and salt in a stand mixer fitted with a dough hook. Knead on the lowest speed for 5 minutes until the dough forms a shaggy, excessively dry mass—do not add water. Rest for 5 minutes to let the gluten relax, then knead on medium-low for 8 more minutes until it passes the windowpane test.
- 02
Shape the behemoths.
Divide the dough into roughly 115-gram portions and immediately form them into tight, seamless boules. Plunge a floured finger directly through the center of each, twirling the dough gently like a hula-hoop to stretch a two-inch hole.
- 03
Retard the dough overnight.
Arrange the shaped bagels on a parchment-lined baking sheet heavily dusted with cornmeal. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and banish them to the refrigerator for 12 to 24 hours, allowing the yeast to slow down while bacteria develop lactic acid and complex, malty flavor.
- 04
Execute the malt boil.
Bring the gallon and a half of water, barley malt syrup, and baking soda to a rolling boil in a wide pot. Drop one proofed bagel into a bowl of cold water to ensure it floats, then boil the bagels in batches for exactly 45 seconds per side to gelatinize the exterior starches.
- 05
Seed and bake to a blistered mahogany.
While the bagels are still wet and sticky from the boil, press them face-down firmly into the everything seasoning blend. Bake at 450°F for 15 to 20 minutes, rotating halfway, until the crust is deeply browned and blistered. Cool for at least 30 minutes before slicing.
- 06
Prep the sandwich architecture.
Slice one cooled bagel perfectly in half horizontally. Scoop a shallow moat from the bready interior of the top half to contain the massive payload, then apply a thick, edge-to-edge schmear of jalapeño-scallion cream cheese to the bottom heel.
- 07
Fry the bodega egg.
Pour the lightly beaten eggs onto a hot griddle. As they set, use a spatula to fold them into a neat, layered square that perfectly matches the footprint of the bagel.
- 08
Melt the American cheese.
Crown the folded egg with the American cheese slices, hit the hot griddle with a splash of water, and immediately cover with a cloche to aggressively steam and melt the cheese into a velvety sauce.
- 09
Assemble the build.
Lay the hot, crispy hashbrown directly onto the cold schmear to protect the bagel's crumb. Stack the molten egg and cheese on top, adhere the crisp bacon to the melted cheese, and hit the meat with a liberal dash of hot sauce.
- 10
Wrap, rest, and bisect.
Crown the sandwich with the scooped top half. Wrap the entire behemoth brutally tight in deli foil or parchment paper and let it sit for exactly 60 seconds to allow the steam to unify the ingredients. Using a serrated knife, slice it straight down the middle, through the foil.
Notes
Hydration is everything.
This dough sits at a punishing 57 percent hydration, requiring high-gluten flour to achieve its signature tooth. Do not add water when it looks shaggy; let the stand mixer work, and incorporate a mini-autolyse if the motor strains.
The scooped bagel controversy.
While traditionalists balk at tearing out the doughy interior of a fresh bagel, scooping the top half of a massive deli build creates a necessary structural cradle to prevent the egg and cheese from sliding out the back upon first bite.